


resident techie has created #help_us

by dawnsovereign



Category: Outlast (Video Games)
Genre: Camerashipping, Established Relationship, M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Walrider Miles Upshur, all the characters are a little ooc, blaire can make like a tree and fuck off, except the antagonists aren't fucking dead, honestly none of this will make sense it's a giant shitpost, i don't know the exact time period but it takes place after the games, kind-of an AU??, miles and val are huge memes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2018-10-20 10:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10661121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnsovereign/pseuds/dawnsovereign
Summary: [miles, waylon, and blake are diagnosed with ptsd and all rely on each other for support after the events each one of them went through. but upon realizing that their foes are alive and looking to speak to them, they reluctantly agree and talk to each other via a channel named #help_us. nothing can go wrong, right?]{or;; the outlast protagonists and antagonists create a group chat together, and honestly who the hell let them do this.}(rated teen for your mentions of typical outlast shit ;; it's not a serious fic, the tags regarding that are misleading,)





	1. welcome to #help_us

**Author's Note:**

> henlo so i fell into outlast hell and i'm just??  
> 1; i would sell my soul for Camerashipping  
> 2; Blake Langermann did nothing wrong  
> 3; Waylon Park deserves love  
> 4; Let Miles Upshur be happy  
> 5; Outlast II needs jesus to save the antagonists
> 
> anyways take this pile of shit  
> character usernames; 
> 
> miles; meme upshurass  
> waylon; resident techie  
> blake; frightened  
> eddie; groom loves you  
> chris; bacon eater  
> jeremy; the heir  
> richard; stole your fingers  
> sullivan; fake god's prophet  
> val; lick ur bitch

 

_**resident techie has created #help_us** _

_**meme upshurass has set the channel topic to "survivors of the insane"** _

frightened (3:27 PM): brilliant channel topic, miles 

meme upshurass (3:28 PM): fuckin praise me

resident techie (3:28 PM): Go to the bedroom then, Miles

frightened (3:29 PM): ,, _waylon_

resident techie (3:30 PM): Blake,, I'm sorry,, 

meme upshurass (3:30 PM): babe why would you expose me in front of poor innocent blake

frightened (3:31 PM): miles none of us are innocent anymore 

resident techie (3:32 PM): ^^ Seconded 

groom loves you (3:47 PM): is that my darling's name i see?~ 

resident techie (3:47 PM): HOW DID EDDIE GET HERE 

frightened (3:48 PM): i,, may have accidentally sent him the link to the chat, i meant to send it to ethan, i swear! 

meme upshurass (3:49 PM): i'd ask how you 'accidentally' sent the link to eddie and also why you are able to contact him, but you're an innocent man so i won't interrogate you 

meme upshurass (3:49 PM): _for now_

frightened (3:50 PM): miles please don't hurt me

_**meme upshurass has set the channel topic to "hey now you're an all star"** _

resident techie (3:52 PM): Miles get your filthy memes out of this channel 

meme upshurass (3:53 PM): way, my name literally has meme in it 

frightened (3:54 PM): you can't stop him, waylon 

frightened (3:54 PM): he's too powerful 

groom loves you (3:55 PM): agreed 

the heir (3:56 PM): it is I 

the heir (3:57 PM): jeremy blaire 

meme upshurass (3:58 PM): GET OUT OF THE LOBBY BLAIRE FUCK OF F 

 


	2. give me the chicken nuggets waylon park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> god dammit eddie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm posting this now you can't stop me  
> and i'll try to make the next chapter longer,
> 
> usernames;  
> miles; meme upshurass  
> waylon; resident techie  
> blake; frightened  
> eddie; groom loves you  
> chris; bacon eater  
> jeremy; the heir  
> richard; stole your fingers  
> sullivan; fake god's prophet  
> val; lick ur bitch

_**Group Chat- #help_us** _

meme upshurass (4:38 AM): do you guys think that pigeons have feelings 

resident techie (4:45 AM): Miles, go to sleep

meme upshurass (4:46 AM): no, give me those chicken nuggets i know you have, waylon fucking park

resident techie (4:47 AM): Miles for the last time, I have no chicken nuggets

bacon eater (4:48 AM): i see a little pig

meme upshurass (4:49 AM): JESUS FUCKING SHIT WHEN DID WALKER GET HE RE

groom loves you (4:50 AM): ;)

meme upshurass (4:50 AM): EDDIE GLUSKIN YOU ARE A DEAD MAN

bacon eater (4:51 AM): this is nice

bacon eater (4:52 AM): pigs like miles don't deserve this

resident techie (4:53 AM): ,,Excuse me, Miles does deserve this,

meme upshurass (4:54 AM): way i love you, god bless

the heir (4:55 AM): Hey Miles

the heir (4:55 AM): how's it like typing with eight fingers? ;)

meme upshurass (4:56 AM): hey, blaire,

meme upshurass (4:57 AM): why not make like a tree and fuck off before i have the walrider make your insides rain from the sky

the heir (4:58 AM): so violent

bacon eater (4:58 AM): agreed 

meme upshurass (4:59 AM): EXCUSE ME 

meme upshurass (5:01 AM): WALKER THREW ME OUT THE HALLWAY WHERE I MET FATHER FUCK, LEADING MY LIFE TO SHIT AND TURNING ME INTO THE WALRIDER'S HOST, AND BLAIRE STABBED WAYLON WHEN WAYLON TRIED TO ESCAPE TO EXPOSE MURFUCK 

meme upshurass (5:02 AM): so really, don't compare me to you, 

resident techie (5:02 AM): PREACH 

frightened (5:03 AM): i don't know jeremy or chris but,, preach, miles! 

groom loves you (5:04 AM): as much as I hate siding with the one who stole my darling, I have to agree 

groom loves you (5:04 AM): he kind of just wasted the both of you 

the heir (5:05 AM): fuck off gluskin 

groom loves you (5:05 AM): make me ;) 

bacon eater (5:06 AM): well shit

frightened (5:07 AM): ,,guys it's 5 am 

frightened (5:08 AM): go to bed,, 

the heir (5:09 AM): M A K E M E 

resident techie (5:09 AM): HEY BE NICE TO BLAKE 

meme upshurass (5:09 AM): HE JUST WANTS TO HELP

resident techie (5:10 AM): BLAKE PROTECTION SQUAD 

_**meme upshurass has changed the channel topic to "BLAKE PROTECTION SQUAD"**_

meme upshurass (5:13 AM): it's official 

groom loves you (5:14 AM): ..blake protection squad?? 

resident techie (5:15 AM): Blake protection squad. 

frightened (5:16 AM): guys,, i'm blushing, please 

frightened (5:16 AM): but seriously let's all go to sleep,

the heir (5:17 AM): excuse me

resident techie (5:18 AM): Blaire if you're rude to Blake I will show up at your house and will actually chop off your dick

groom loves you (5:19 AM): i'll help! ;) 

the heir (5:20 AM): fuck 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually made a discord server based off this, god dammit,,  
> The link is below, if you're interested in joining! My nickname in it is "meme upshurass", yeah I know, I'm original lmao,, 
> 
> anyways comments and kudos fuel me to keep writing aha, 
> 
> [| #help_us |](https://discord.gg/bcn8jBZ)


	3. worship god? nah, worship miles' missing fingers instead!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fake god's prophet (4:57 PM): Sorry Upshur, Walrider. I only worship the actual God, my religion isn't.. stupid.
> 
> meme upshurass (4:58 PM): lmao bye binch the religion of this gc is my fucking missing fingers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaa hi hi ! this chapter's totally late, eek i'm sorry,, also, updates'll be a little slow until,, like the end of June maybe? i have finals review kicking my ass and then exams for the first 2 weeks of June, so updates will be slow, or just shorter than usual, 
> 
> character usernames;
> 
> miles; meme upshurass  
> waylon; resident techie  
> blake; frightened  
> eddie; groom loves you  
> chris; bacon eater  
> jeremy; the heir  
> richard; stole your fingers  
> sullivan; fake god's prophet  
> val; lick ur bitch

_**Group Chat- #help_us** _

 

frightened (4:43 PM): guys,, someone new has joined the server,, 

fake god's prophet (4:44 PM): Oh, look, it's the father of the antichrist. 

frightened (4:44 PM): eXCUSE ME?? KNOTH?? NO ONE LIKES YOU, PLEASE LEAVE??

resident techie (4:45 PM): I,, I take it you're Sullivan Knoth..? 

fake god's prophet (4:46 PM): Well, of course.

meme upshurass (4:47 PM): okay knoth, while you're here, please respect blake, _this is a **Blake Protection Squad** **™** zone, any hate directed towards him will have to be directed to someone who actually gives a shit abt your opinion_

meme upshurass (4:48 PM): and if you don't like those conditions then feel free to fuck off and go lmao 

resident techie (4:49 PM): **[w a s t e d](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEm-anELm10)**

frightened (4:49 PM): aw,, miles,, i'm blessed,,

fake god's prophet (4:50 PM): Upshur, are you trying to start a fight with me? 

meme upshurass (4:51 PM): fuckin' watch me bitch, i'll kick your ass into the next century

groom loves you (4:52 PM): oh, who's this? 

bacon eater (4:53 PM): apparently Sullivan Knoth? 

meme upshurass (4:54 PM): nah thats not his name, his real name is Dickface McBitch

groom loves you (4:55 PM): i take it you hate this man, miles 

meme upshurass (4:56 PM): damn fuckin' right i do, he thinks blake is evil n shit because his wife gave birth to the supposed antichrist because of his stupid ass religion

fake god's prophet (4:57 PM): Sorry Upshur, Walrider. I only worship the actual God, my religion isn't.. stupid.

meme upshurass (4:58 PM): lmao bye binch the religion of this gc is my fucking missing fingers

groom loves you (4:58 PM): miles that's a little gross

bacon eater (4:59 PM): but I mean, miles didn't mean to lose his fingers? I don't normally defend him often but, the finger incident wasn't miles' fault

groom loves you (5:00 PM): oh yeah, that was a certain someone's fault 

resident techie (5:01 PM): **@the heir** Did you ever get that boyfriend of yours to apologize for cutting off my boyfriend's fingers??

the heir (5:02 PM): no and i don't plan on getting him to do that 

meme upshurass (5:03 PM): actually go fuck off, blaire 

meme upshurass (5:03 PM): or should i say, blake shelton        

groom loves you (5:04 PM): did you just compare blaire to blake shelton, the country singer, 

resident techie (5:05 PM): Damn, I never knew my former boss was a country singer, get exposed, blaire, or should i say blake shelton 

_**frightened has changed the heir's name to country fucker** _

country fucker (5:06 PM): this is offensive to country folk and to myself

meme upshurass (5:06 PM): BLAKE IM CHOKING WHAT HTE FCUK

resident techie (5:07 PM): [wasted](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEm-anELm10)

frightened (5:07 PM): :,> 

country fucker (5:08 PM): i hate all of y'all 

groom loves you (5:09 PM): ;) 

meme upshurass (5:09 PM): ;)

resident techie (5:09 PM): ;) 

frightened (5:10 PM): ;) 

bacon eater (5:10 PM): ;) 

fake god's prophet (5:12 PM): I hope you all know that you're disgusting. 

frightened (5:13 PM): not as disgusting as you fake prophet lmao 

meme upshurass (5:13 PM): DAMN BLAKE IS BRINGING THE SASS HOLY _SHIT_

frightened (5:14 PM): ;> 

groom loves you (5:15 PM): i don't even know blake that well but i want to support this man. 

resident techie (5:16 PM): And the Blake Protection Squad has gained another new member(?) 

frightened (5:17 PM): i love you guys,, 

frightened (5:17 PM): except knoth, he's a bag of dicks

fake god's prophet (5:18 PM): You know I'm still here, right? 

frightened (5:19 PM): knoth look at my messages. can you find, a single fuck that i give? 

fake god's prophet (5:20 PM): Well, no. 

frightened (5:21 PM): exactly, now go away 

country fucker (5:22 PM): can someone please change my name back to the heir, park took away my permission to change my own nickname 

resident techie (5:23 PM): No one change it back 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please keep in mind i'm not trying to be offensive with how they joke w/ blaire and calling him blake/country fucker,, i mean all of this jokingly,  
> but i have,, a question for y'all,,  
> would you prefer it if val was male, female, or non-binary, since i'm planning on introducing that giant meme in the next chapter or the one after that? i highkey can't decide, so any input is greatly appreciated!  
> as always, comments and kudos fuel me, and if you want, feel free to yell @ me on tumblr (heroicdungeon) ;^


	4. wiggly.. parrots? what the fuck is this shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> frightened (2:36 AM): PUT THE PARROTS AWAY MILES  
> meme upshurass (2:37 AM): I WANT THESE WIGGLY FUCKIGN PARROTS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOO I'M BACK (for now) AND POSTING THIS SINCE IT WAS A DRAFT! EXPECT UPDATES AGAIN SOON
> 
> character names:  
> miles; meme upshurass  
> waylon; resident techie  
> blake; frightened  
> eddie; groom loves you  
> chris; bacon eater  
> jeremy; country fucker (the heir)  
> richard; stole your fingers  
> sullivan; fake god's prophet  
> val; lick ur bitch

_**Group Chat- #help_us** _

_meme upshurass is currently playing: **FUCKING DANCING PARROTS**_

 

 

frightened (2:15 AM): **@meme upshurass** what,, are you playing

meme upshurass (2:16 AM): I LOVE PARROTS

resident techie (2:16 AM): Ignore him, 

fake god's prophet (2:17 AM): Dancing parrots? What.. what even. 

frightened (2:18 AM): wait,, 

frightened (2:18 AM): miles are you playing.. 

resident techie (2:19 AM): Minecraft. He's playing Minecraft. 

country fucker (2:21 AM): what the fuck

meme upshurass (2:20 AM): I LOVE THESE FUCKIGN PARROTS AND THEIR LITTLE BODIES I LOV ETH EM 

country fucker (2:21 AM): fucking, parrots?? 

country fucker (2:22 AM): what are you, twelve? 

meme upshurass (2:23 AM): GO SUCK A DICK BLAIRE LET ME HAVE MY FUCKIN FUN 

frightened (2:25 AM): i mean, little blocky dancing parrots do sound kinda funny,, 

meme upshurass (2:26 AM): BLAKE DO YOU HAVE MINECRAFT PLEASE PLAY WITH ME

frightened (2:27 AM): ,,yeah? i mean, from when i was younger, but i'll play with you,, what's your username? 

meme upshurass (2:28 AM): missingfingers 

frightened (2:29 AM):  ~~ofcourseitis~~ okay,, 

frightened (2:36 AM): PUT THE PARROTS AWAY MILES

meme upshurass (2:37 AM): I WANT THESE WIGGLY FUCKIGN PARROTS

resident techie (2:38 AM): What is even happening you two, 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is (sadly) based off true events and I don't know how to feel about that 
> 
> as always, comments and kudos are great, but ya can also hit me up w/ questions in the discord server if that's your thing
> 
> discord! [| #help_us |](https://discord.gg/bcn8jBZ)


	5. oh worm? oh worm? oh w

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lick ur bitch (3:56 AM): so who heres sexy and ready for freddy
> 
> meme upshurass (3:57 AM): hey val? die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay! hello! i took into consideration all the requests for val's gender, and i made them genderfluid uwu'.. i'll use mainly they/them for val, but they use he/him + she/her too.. gender is irrelevant to val. val only wants f-  
> also im so sorry as to how much of a meme they are. im tired
> 
> character names:  
> miles; meme upshurass  
> waylon; resident techie  
> blake; frightened  
> eddie; groom loves you  
> chris; bacon eater  
> jeremy; country fucker (the heir)  
> richard; stole your fingers  
> sullivan; fake god's prophet  
> val; lick ur bitch

_**Group Chat- #help_us** _

 

 

meme upshurass (3:43 AM): did i tell all you fuckers i like memes

frightened (3:43 AM): meme is in your name miles.. we know

frightened (3:43 AM): also, why are you even awake..

meme upshurass (3:44 AM): because i'm a bad bitch no one tells me what to do 

frightened (3:45 AM): except waylon

meme upshurass (3:45 AM): except waylon :(

frightened (3:47 AM): **@resident techie** come tell your boyfriend to go to sleep

resident techie (3:49 AM): no

lick ur bitch (3:50 AM): mm i smell blake in this sexy server

frightened (3:50 AM): WJFDSKNJK WHO?!? MOM?!!

meme upshurass (3:51 AM): whomstve the fucketh are u 

lick ur bitch (3:52 AM): nno.. am val. im the sexiest bitch around my good bitch

groom loves you (3:53 AM): no _i'm_ the sexiest bitch! 

lick ur bitch (3:53 AM): no u 

country fucker (3:54 AM): you're both wrong. i, jeremy blaire, am the sexiest bitch here 

lick ur bitch (3:55 AM): blaire no one likes u fuck off 

lick ur bitch (3:55 AM): anyways hoes 

lick ur bitch (3:56 AM): so who heres sexy and ready for freddy

meme upshurass (3:57 AM): hey val? die 

lick ur bitch (3:58 AM): **@frightened** come back i wanna succ

frightened (3:59 AM): NNO NO GFDGFNDJDNSK I DONT WANT THIS ANYMORE

meme upshurass (4:00 AM): val!! knock it off, youre scaring blake! 

frightened (4:00 AM): MMILES?!?! YOURE NOT MILES MILES DOESNT TYPE LIKE THAT WHO ARE YOU 

meme upshurass (4:01 AM): me?? oh! im.. um.. they called me the walrider back in that place miles left, i guess thats who I am?

frightened (4:02 AM): ?!!?!?!?!

resident techie (4:03 AM): ohh, the walrider possessed miles's body again

meme upshurass (4:04 AM): dont be all surprised!! ill give it back to him soon enough.. do you have a problem with that?

lick ur bitch (4:05 AM): walrider.. u dead right

meme upshurass (4:06 AM): um.. i wouldnt exactly know? miles's body isnt exactly alive but hes still around

lick ur bitch (4:07 AM): technically dead.. thats sexy

resident techie (4:08 AM): val no

meme upshurass (4:09 AM): val youre boring.. im gonna give miles his body back now. bye hoes 

lick ur bitch (4:10 AM): :(

meme upshurass (4:11 AM): the walrider does that without warning and it pisses me off so much

meme upshurass (4:12 AM): my body.. mine

frightened (4:13 AM): that was. weird, miles, are you okay

meme upshurass (4:14 AM): i mean, yeah, i'm okay now that i have full control of my body back

groom loves you (4:14 AM): welcome back miles, would you like.. memes or your fingers

meme upshurass (4:15 AM): ..memes, i kinda like these claw things the walrider replaced my missing fingers with 

frightened (4:16 AM): :o

meme upshurass (4:17 AM): no tea no shade but blaire's bf can still suck my ass for cutting off my fingers tho

country fucker (4:18 AM): fuck off miles

meme upshurass (4:20 AM): no u

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ill try to be more frequent with updates uwu'.. forgive val's usage of old memes. they're.. uncultured  
> join the discord! [| #help_us |](https://discord.gg/bcn8jBZ)

**Author's Note:**

> can i just say that,, i have no regrets (have i earned death yet though)
> 
> and yes, the platform they're using is based off discord!


End file.
